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Summary
In this episode, Hillary and Amy address four different types of love in-depth — Agape (unconditional, self-sacrificial love), Storge (familial love), Phileo (strong friendship love), and Eros (sexual attraction). They stress how each type of love is different from the other and should not be confused. Hillary and Amy also discuss how today’s culture is and has been attempting to reinterpret these types of love, often leading to misunderstandings, especially around romantic love. These misunderstandings can lead to confusion in our kids and cause them to have doubts about who they are based on feelings they may have for others. That is why the hosts express how important the ability to differentiate these types of love is. Hillary and Amy conclude the episode by suggesting resources to help illustrate these concepts to children for better comprehension.
Main Points Covered
- What are the Four types of Love?
- Agape
- Storge
- Phileo
- Eros
- What is the danger to our kids if they don’t understand the difference?
- Where we see a misunderstanding or intentional twisting of these different types of love in our culture.
- Good examples of the four types of love.
People and Resources Mentioned
- Hunger Games: Katniss’s Love for Primrose — Example of Agape love
- Hacksaw Ridge: Example of Agape and Sacrificial Love
- BingBong from Pixar’s Inside Out: Example of Agape Love
- Anne of Green Gables: Example of Phileo Love
- Jane Eyre: Example of Phileo Love
- Pride and Prejudice: Example of Storge Love
- Mandalorian Series: Example of Storge Love
- Princess Bride: Healthy Example of Eros Love
- Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality
Unfamiliar Vocabulary
- Agape Love: An unconditional, self-sacrificial love. It is the love of God that we see through the cross of Jesus Christ.
- Storge Love: Familial love. Storge is the natural love that family members have for one another.
- Phileo Love: Friendly Love. It is the love we have for our friends, especially close friends.
- Eros Love: Physical love or sexual desire. Eros is the type of love that involves passion, lust, and/or romance.
Quotable Quotes
“All of a sudden they start taking on these I am statements. I am a lesbian, I am bisexual. Because they didn’t know how to differentiate and they need to know.” Hillary Morgan Frerrer
“When we’re encouraging our children to be loving, to be patient, to be self-sacrificial, I mean, those are hard things to do, and it’s only through the power of Christ that you’re able to do those things. But when you can see them do it, you get chills.” – Amy Davison
“We’re losing this beauty simply due to the loss of the range within language, which is why, going back to the original Greek words with your kids, is actually a really good idea and really easy to implement with your kids, so that way they can help differentiate right relationships.” – Amy Davison
“They’re not gonna come out and ask their mom, how do I know if I’m in love with my best friend? It’s not going to occur to them. It’s just something that they will ruminate on and they may Google. And so if we don’t preempt this to begin with, they are going to start going to all sorts of different places for information and all the places on the internet for information are going to affirm yes.” Hillary Morgan Frerrer
We are all in this together, so sometimes our posts are a bit of all of us.
I have to push back on these distinctions – especially between φιλεω and αγαπη.
It is pretty easy to see that these are used interchangeable – and that making a big deal about distinctions is great fodder for evangelical sermons – but pretty useless as to real Biblical/linguistic understanding.
Just do your own in-depth word study – and think re the Pharisees who loved their own, etc., etc.
I wanted to share a couple of examples of the different loves from books or shows other than ones already mentioned. Anne of Green Gables was mentioned a lot for phileo love; it also is a beautiful example of eros (romantic) love between Anne & Gilbert. Our family with kids 14 & 12 is also enjoying All Creatures Great & Small – James & Helen’s relationship is another great example of romantic love.
And I can’t think of many better examples of phileo (and agape) love in literature than Sam and Frodo in Lord of the Rings.
Boy mom here with an example of friendships love for boys, LOTR Frodo and sam!
Love your podcast, thank you guys for all you do! ❤️
In light of understanding there are different ways to love, how do we define romance or romantic? Is it strictly in the Eros experience or do we need a better definition?
Dawn,
Typically evangelicals try to conjure up neat categories for Greek words that they never bother to actually do any original research.
If you or anyone wants to make anything of any of these terms, I recommend jettisoning anything from the evangelical scene and actually doing your own original work – including referencing a variety of actual linguistic scholars – you will have a MUCH more accurate sense of the fluidity of word usage.
OTOH – if you want everything spoon-fed to live a life of the comfort of certainty – well, you can just buy this post and go from there…
I don’t usually comment but I just watched an episode of Mama’a Family (an old sitcom) It was a Valentine’s episode where Mama and the neighbor/best friend had spent years together on Valentine’s watching movies but this year they think the other has a date. So they pretend to have a date too- as to not spoil the others’ plans. It was hilarious but there is a scene that is not appropriate for young viewers.
Sabrina,
Thank you for commenting. Is this just a “I saw a fun video” comment, or are you drawing a conclusion that I’m not picking up on? I’m just making sure I’m not missing something here. 🙂
This topic is so timely in my situation. I cannot count the number of times my 10 year old has been asking if it’s ok to feel this way or that way about her friends.
Everything in our culture are equating any strong feelings to be romantic/sexual in nature. She is being made fun of by other kids when she becomes close friends with another girl. It is creating so much confusion!
Helan, YES! That is exactly why we addressed this! Even the curricula that the schools are using have completely obliterated the concept of friendship love. They define romantic love as “someone with whom you want to spend time with and who you connect with on an emotional level.” But that definition, I’m in romantic relationships with a looooot of people. Talk about confusing!
What was the 5th love word (erace????) referring to love for an object or thing?
I can’t remember if we came across one for a thing. I’ll look into that! Although from your spelling, it looks like “eros” which is sexual love.
Lord of the Rings has a great example of the storge love for the way everyone in the fellowship loves Pippin and phileo between Merry and Pippin.
There’s a scifi series by Timothy Zahn that illustrates phileo. The main characters are male but my daughter is enjoying it as well. It’s called the dragon back series. Well written & is has a solidly moral main character.
Amber,
As far as I can tell, white American evangelicals do not find morality a necessary feature in their main characters….
Based on years of observation and even more so at present….
A great example of family love that is more “boy themed” is in the Wing Feather saga series by Andrew Peterson.